17 posts tagged “self”
To take the path less taken, is what I love to do. The slight tinge of uncertainty thrills me. Yes, that is what leads me to experiment with things. Things*.
Some people experiment with chemicals, others with particles. I experiment with thoughts, with ideas and temperaments. My favourite test subject being myself.
Sometimes, it gets somewhat out of hand, but that's a risk I have to undertake. You see, the outcomes of my experiments, will decide if I end up a loser or not.
After all, since there is no chance of winning, the least can do is to salvage whatever I can from things I have already lost.
Sometimes, it is rewarding to be on the far edge of things, all alone. Most of the times, it is not.
:)
Later.
.
Only you cant survive like that. At least not on my own terms. So I decided to close my eyes. When I close my eyes. What do you suppose I see. Hah, no I don't see your face. Those kind of things,happen only in stories and poems. Crapshyt.
If it's day I see red blood vessels on my eyelids. I can see my blood. It's red. It's full of warm hate. It's flowing. And if it's dark, I can see nothing. Yet, I can hear things. Lots of things, noises. Shouts, whispers, sighs. It rises and rises, until the noise reaches a crescendo. A crescendo of chaos, of mayhem. And I feel at home, just for a moment.
This calmness you see, it's fake. It is just at face value. It's the other side of everything you know. The nothingness is what fills my mind. It's all around. Disguised as dark clouds, as the thunder. The thunder that calms everything. The overpowering, the overbearing clouds loom large. And after the rain has fallen, and the tears have cleared your heart, there is just silence. Wet, fresh, and clean. Thankfully, I am all alone. I wish to savour this moment of calm alone.
It's mine. Mine alone. And I wont let you follow. Let me be me.
Later.
.
And they said, take care.
I will take care not to care.
I will take care not to make a fool of myself.
I will take care I don’t lose my head again.
I will take care not to fall in love.
I will take care I don’t mess up my life.
I will take care I don’t break any rules.
I will take care I become a goody two shoes.
I will take care that I won’t remain so for long.
I will take care I don’t reveal your secrets.
I will take care I don’t smile for too long.
I will take care I don’t hurt you again.
I will take care I don’t sleep on my face.
I will take care not to get caught while I steal cookies.
I will take care I don’t put out the moon at night.
I will take care that I remain alive until you can meet me again and say take care.
And they still say, take care
Later..
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There is a fine line between sanity and insanity. A very fine line indeed.
Most of the people stay well behind the limits of line either on this side or that. But there are a good number of them who are under the illusion that they are on one side while they are actually on the other . Also there are few others who wish to go back and forth across the line.
Heh.
Apart from all these there are some rare ones who have trespassed into the sane side of the line from the in-sane side, and try to disguise their real selves.
But there are sometimes, when hmm, they lose
their composure or so to say disguise. And then it is only up to their
luck how long are they allowed to revel on this side of the society.
And the time only counts down until they are throw back into where they came from.
Later.
.
.
Time to..
Its time to..
Its time to stop.
Had
been humming a melancholic tune of my own coursing the path of life,
downhill mostly. Its already past time. I should have stopped already.
I forgot how the rain feels. Cold or calm.
The soothing wind on my face almost forgotten as well. Agile and naughty.
The smell of the roses, an unknown memory . Playful and sensuous
I
need a time out. Just to stop and just stare. And maybe dream. Maybe
smell. Maybe feel. Perhaps to taste the sweet lies of life.
And for once not to think about things. How they might be.
And how they might not.
So is anyone coming with me..as I stop to smell the roses again..
Later.
.
.
There is something that curtails the beginning of anything
new.
What if I fall. What if I fail. What if I get lost. What if I find its more than I can take.
But then. I ask myself.
What if I don't. What if its not.
Never let your f.e.A.r.s stop you from walking on clouds, dreaming or choosing to love or moving into a world of your own with your someone.
And one last thing...once you do start, just don't stOp.
....Heh.
Later.
.
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Maybe I have sound judgement, or maybe its pure recklessness.
Perhaps its the fright of tomorrow, or perhaps the fight of today.
It.
A simple lie a bitter truth and of course the bliss of the "oblivious".
Maybe the call of destiny, or perhaps the sign of hope. Or was it just a bad omen.
Nahh, was just my mum's cell buzzing.
Heh.
Later..
.
You *fall* in love when you don’t *choose* to.. when it just happens when it cant be *helped* you run around like a lost puppy because by the time you understand one thing another thing begins to happen....and there sits life laughing at your stupidity and finally when you do know how it works....love leaves you get the final blow....nothing else is ever the same....I haven’t met anyone who could dodge that trick....so life tries again and again....on every single person....and laughs at its own superiority...
And then there is another scene....you choose to love....you choose
someone you don’t feel for....don’t like, don’t hate, don’t pay
attention at all....and you learn to appreciate every single thing
about that person....
You learn how that person thinks, laughs,
cries, talks. You notice, and as you watch and gradually you learn to
appreciate his/her existence, you choose to make that person a part of
yourself and you observe everything because you are not blinded by the
*magic* named *love* because in love everything seems perfect and
beautiful but it's not...
When you *choose to love*, you *choose to appreciate reality*, you learn to appreciate the beauty of someone's existence.
That is the way I want love, I want to see you grow, every second and the love the beauty of your very existence.
{No, not me.
The above were spoken by someone, someone special..
But the person who said these knows not the mark they left..}
Later..
.
.
Hmm.
No, I am not a do gooder, nor an social activist nor a self proclaimed caretaker of truth and justice.
Devious
No, I do not strive for righteousness. Not yet.
No, I dont look for justice either. I have seen enough of the world's judiciary systems to believe in it anymore.
Unfair
No, I am not prepared to give any sacrifices for your wellbeing. Sorry about that.
Rude
But I have priorities. Priorities that I serve with utmost dedication. Some selfish ones, most experimental ones and very few ...that I save for others.
Messed up
That's what I am..
A couple of truths and maybe half a lie in between. Heh..
Later..
.
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I have been walking. Alongside is my shadow. Been on this one track path for far too long now. The track, the path which I think is right. I dont know, if it is or it isnt.
Why should they care. But it is time, I took a new turn, change my path. It is time for a turn.
If I was on the right side already. Where should I turn to. To the wrong side?
Or is there another path in between. The left maybe?
Dont bother. It's alright. I will do what must be done.
Now, where is that coin. Time to do a toss.
Heads you win,
tails I lose.
Later..
.
