.
And something is still out of place. It is still the same as last time.
The place I searched for was not here. Was not there.
And yet something is amiss. I can feel it.
I Know my place. The last page in the diary of June. The tiny word scratched out at the bottom. Yea, that's me.
Had enough?
...Just h8 me .
Later.
.
Since the beginning of this year..there was a ghost living in me. No, I
was not taken...rather I hid this particular one inside me.
When she died, I took whatever left of it and hid it in the safest
place I could find. Inside myself. The ghost has remained there ever
since, even though I had forgotten , Months have passed and yet...
A
few days back, suddenly I realized all I had been doing was trying to
fulfil its ambition and dreams. Trying to live the unfulfilled life of
the ghost..darn. It was a horrid day for me. But somehow I seemed to
like it. Afterall, I was doing something for someone in me..if not
myself.
Heh, no wonder I hate all of you. My ghost consumes all my love, my care, my affection. No, I cannot love anyone.
Forgive me.
Later..
Dear June,
It's been a while..Haven't talked to you in some time.Dont worry. It doesn't mean i have forgotten or love you any less.
Just that i have been away doing things. things i had stopped doing after i thought i had lost you.
Heh.. i was a fool. I found that out after i realized, that no i had not lost you. You are there very much inside me. Always inside me. My love. The glasshouse falls comes crashing down in front me. I have to pick up the pieces. Don't worry i have all my life to do that. Just i wished you were beside me. No, problem it is better you are inside me. In this way i can protect you my love better.
No, i do not cry anymore, there is no point. Why should I? My love is not so weak. It never could be. It will last so many years. My lady, all i ask is that you never stop loving me. For even if you do i wont. I cant. All in the end, the sands of time have great mystical healing properties i have heard. But have not seen them yet. And why do i ned healing. Am not broken , neither wounded. Just a little hit. I will recover in time.
I ask myself, do i need to recover. Do I?? From what actually??
My love was not a mistake. It still isn't. I know you do not exist anymore. But it doesn't mater much. I live for you. I still care for you and feel for you. It is enough. I live long enough for both of us. And as long I live my love lives on. Dont ever forget that. I have to fight an urge to be dead every waking moment. Do not worry, feeling you in me gives me the strength to live on. breathe on.
I will speak again my love.
until then...Later..