4 posts tagged “hate”
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Only you cant survive like that. At least not on my own terms. So I decided to close my eyes. When I close my eyes. What do you suppose I see. Hah, no I don't see your face. Those kind of things,happen only in stories and poems. Crapshyt.
If it's day I see red blood vessels on my eyelids. I can see my blood. It's red. It's full of warm hate. It's flowing. And if it's dark, I can see nothing. Yet, I can hear things. Lots of things, noises. Shouts, whispers, sighs. It rises and rises, until the noise reaches a crescendo. A crescendo of chaos, of mayhem. And I feel at home, just for a moment.
This calmness you see, it's fake. It is just at face value. It's the other side of everything you know. The nothingness is what fills my mind. It's all around. Disguised as dark clouds, as the thunder. The thunder that calms everything. The overpowering, the overbearing clouds loom large. And after the rain has fallen, and the tears have cleared your heart, there is just silence. Wet, fresh, and clean. Thankfully, I am all alone. I wish to savour this moment of calm alone.
It's mine. Mine alone. And I wont let you follow. Let me be me.
Later.
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Hmm. Why are you reading this ?
Do you have any idea how much I hate you. I expect all your smiles to disappear. And may your tears crystallize on your cheeks to remind you of your pains. May you pine away for your beloved. May you never meet your love. I hope you confuse lust for love. And then realize it when its too late. And someday you will yearn to die, and look up to the heavens to be killed. Only you will keep living.
When I ride through the streets and I see people. I can always find things I can hate about them. Its becoming easier now. Practice makes perfect. And so I continue to hate. And I shall continue to hate you too if it helps me survive. Maybe this way I will have a less happy life, but it will be my life. My unhappy life free from the weaknesses of you puny living beings. I want to experience pure evil. Someday I am certain I will. I just have to hang on to. Hang on to my precious hatred.
Its not right. That's what she said. That what you would say. But I need to hate. Its all that's keeping me alive. Yea..
I consume hate to stay alive. Why do I have to hate everyone. Is it necessary. She asked. Yes, it is necessary. And why? She asked. I can't risk falling in love with everyone. I cant risk falling in love with anyone.
Again. She asked.
And I did not answer.
Later.
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And something is still out of place. It is still the same as last time.
The place I searched for was not here. Was not there.
And yet something is amiss. I can feel it.
I Know my place. The last page in the diary of June. The tiny word scratched out at the bottom. Yea, that's me.
Had enough?
...Just h8 me .
Later.
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Later.
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