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Coldplay - Everything not lost

Coldplay

There was this song I was listening to, Everything’s not lost. By Coldplay. One of my most listened to bands. [Yea, yes am a wimpy alternative guy, you got a problem with that?] .

And I was thinking of things it was about. It speaks of demons inside and of demons outside.   Some good ones and the rest inside of you.  Heh. It speaks of a very elusive trick to handle situations when you feel all is lost around you or that you have been neglected by people you cared for. Well , all you need to do is just count the demons inside you and still hope and know that not everything is lost. Well, you still have your demons in you.

 Hmm. You need to convince yourself that the demons who caused the situation around you still reside within you. Its not the people’s fault. They are innocent and simple, you have to rectify yourself. Improve maybe. You can either get rid of your demons and make friends again or just stay with your demons until you cease to breathe. Either way, not everything is lost and neither will you ever be alone. [And mind you, do not assume being alone and feeling lonely are the same things].

Even after writing all this shYt, I feel I should put down the idea in a more understandable form for the benefit of the “non-alternative people”. No offence . What I meant to portray in the above paragraph is that, when you feel everything is lost and that people have started to hate you or neglect you for no viable reason you can think of, then know that it is your fault. The faulty attitude or actions of yours is what caused your current situation. So quit whining and start recovering. Set yourself right. Get rid  of your evils.  Don’t blame others. Either that or just make friends with your evils. Love thyself.

xD

Whatever the case, the thing what got me was that I had been using this trick myself for quite some time now. Well, I wont tell you how good or bad the results are, but what I will tell you is that I love my evils.

Later.

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Alright then. Enough fooling around. Its almost time that I returned to myself. Past time rather. Whatever the case, what is important right now is that I have almost recovered. Yes, there were a few setbacks, ups and downs but of course you needn’t know the details.

Although I yearned for a rather uneventful summer, things did not quite turn out to be as I had expected them to.  As I enter the last leg of my holidays,  I see that a flurry of activities have ensued. As usual I try to have no regrets whatsoever, speaking in that regard you could say I had a few learning experiences* this way. Hmm.

Know something?  I strive for total control. On my mind, and it’s impulses.  But then again, when I look back at things that have happened, it seems to me like an impossible task. I keep failing, falling flat on my face every single time. Yet, I try. The thing is when you try too hard to control yourself, the mind starts working even without your consciousness. Which is when things turn dicey and you are unable to reason your actions or though processes. Yada yada. Never  mind. It’s just  about me you know.

Later

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Realizations

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A loner's idea of an almost perfect summer.

Lazy mornings with clear skies. Bright sun and its smooth rays. Warmth.

A work free mid-morning to decide what to do. Then to remain undecided. And sigh.

Look at beautiful people on the road, a gold and orange glow on their skin. The sun colours them pretty with its abundant love.

Play with the shadows on the porch. Watch them grow with the day, age and die in the evening.
And then you smile as you know they will be back the next day to play and make merry.

Fall in love with the girl next door, if only for the summer. Spend some time thinking about her.

Look at the fluffy clouds overhead and yearn for them to darken as you sip from your tumbler of cold juice. Wish for an untimely downpour. Run out to greet it when your wish is granted.

Catch a summer cold. Have some warm coffee. Become delirious on purpose. Meet your subconscious. Say Hi

Start worrying about the days you think you waste. And then stop immediately. Go to bed. Hum a merry tune, fall into a deep sleep. Have a midsummer night's dream. And smile while you sleep.

Later.

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Lost

Coldplay

.Did you ever wonder why do you get depressed ?
Dont deny that you get sad. Everyone gets sad at least sometimes, for some reason or for someone..

But thats not the point here. The point is, even though you have such a beautiful face,  grace and style, yet you manage to spoil it all. Because you never smile. Or at least, I never see you smiling.

Dont tell me, you dont know how to. Dont tell me, you dont know why to. Maybe you are not happy, not happy enough to smile.

Ever wondered how you could become happy? No, not just for the smile, its for everything you do. That is if you are kindof a person who needs to be happy to do things properly. [Dont ask about me. I am not that kind. I am weird]


Even so, I'll let you in on a tiny secret. I dont go looking for happiness or try staying happy because I know I can be happy anytime I want to. Yes. How? Its quite simple if you look at it. Just do things that make you happy. Hmm now now, dont tell me I fooled you. Thats the only way you can become happy on your own. But there certainly is a catch. [ These days, everything has a catch, so why blame me : P]

The catch is you need to find out doing what things* make you happy. Might seem easy, but then again there is a fine line between things that make you really happy and those things that tell you doing that you "should" feel happy. A pseudo happiness of sorts. But you wouldnt know how to differentiate. Not initially at least. So experiment with things, do things and try figuring out what turns your meter up. Best of luck in your "happy"ness hunting expeditions.

A tip : You should feel a bubbling effervescence in you when you are really happy. [Figure it out on your own ; )]

If you can just master this technique you will never need anything or anyone else to be happy. And maybe then, I will get that smile.

Smile damnit. Heh


Later.

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You complete my fate
The world unwinds inside of me
You complete my fate
The halo crawls away

Kiri

MONORAL

You repeat my fate
Rewinding all we can
You refill my place
You refill my place
Come and save me
Come and save me

You complete my fate
The heavens stroll inside of me
You repeat my fate
Revealing who we are
You refill my place
You refill my place
Come and save me
Come and save me

Believe in me
Drink the wine
Take my hand
Fill me up
Believe in me
Drink the wine
Take my hand
Let me follow



Later.

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To take the path less taken, is what I love to do. The slight tinge of uncertainty thrills me. Yes, that is what leads me to experiment with things. Things*.

Some people experiment with chemicals, others with particles. I experiment with thoughts, with ideas and temperaments. My favourite test subject being myself.

Sometimes, it gets somewhat out of hand, but that's a risk I have to undertake. You see, the outcomes of my experiments, will decide if I end up a loser or not.

After all, since there is no chance of winning, the least  can do is to salvage whatever I can from things I have already lost.

Sometimes, it is rewarding to be on the far edge of things, all alone. Most of the times, it is not.

:)

Later.

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If it's day I see red blood vessels on my eyelids. I can see my blood. It's red. It's full of warm hate. It's flowing. And if it's dark, I can see nothing. Yet, I can hear things. Lots of things, noises. Shouts, whispers, sighs. It rises and rises, until the noise reaches a crescendo. A crescendo of chaos, of mayhem. And I feel at home, just for a moment.

This calmness you see, it's fake. It is just at face value. It's the other side of everything you know. The nothingness is what fills my mind. It's all around. Disguised as dark clouds, as the thunder. The thunder that calms everything. The overpowering, the overbearing clouds loom large. And after the rain has fallen, and the tears have cleared your heart, there is just silence. Wet, fresh, and clean. Thankfully, I am all alone. I wish to savour this moment of calm alone.

It's mine. Mine alone. And I wont let you follow. Let me be me.

Later.

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Hmm. Why are you reading this ?

Do you have any idea how much I hate you. I expect all your smiles to disappear. And may your tears crystallize on your cheeks to remind you of your pains. May you pine away for your beloved. May you never meet your love. I hope you confuse lust for love. And then realize it when its too late. And someday you will yearn to die, and look up to the heavens to be killed. Only you will keep living.

When I ride through the streets and I see people. I can always find things I can hate about them. Its becoming easier now. Practice makes perfect. And so I continue to hate. And I shall continue to hate you too if it helps me survive. Maybe this way I will have a less happy life, but it will be my life. My unhappy life free from the weaknesses of you puny living beings. I want to experience pure evil. Someday I am certain I will. I just have to hang on to. Hang on to my precious hatred.

Its not right. That's what she said. That what you would say. But I need to hate. Its all that's keeping me alive. Yea..
I consume hate to stay alive. Why do I have to hate everyone. Is it necessary. She asked. Yes, it is necessary. And why? She asked. I can't risk falling in love with everyone. I cant risk falling in love with anyone.

Again. She asked.

And I did not answer.

Later.

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Alright people.

This is what I have been working on for the past couple of days.

Unauthorized connection.

[Note for noobs :  Port 80 is for exclusive use of "http" data transfer -website browsing et al-, something that a system process like svchost.exe should NOT use @ all]

Although I pride myself on using free effective and open source softwares mostly, this time it was testing me to my limits. An on board AVAST antivirus scanner does
no work in this regard.

[Note for noobs: All those who thought an anti virus or the Windows firewall is all you need to save yourself when you are online this might come as a surprise :P],

but yes I do have a third party Firewall commercially known as C.OM.O.D.O 3.0 Personal  Firewall  installed. It is one of the top rankers among the firewalls programs out there.

Although it is initially troublesome to use, as it has millions of settings, it definitely is a system tuneup enthusiast's delight. Now coming to the point, I tried cutting off svchost.exe's access but then my net connection died and I had lots of trouble with my ISP[dont even ask]. Then I had to reinstall the firewall and monitor the connections manually.

A successive pattern appeared, I had a bunch of IP address who were pinging me with loads of data from god knows where using the port 80. The Ips were dynamically changing in nature and few of them were

Blocked.

198.78.202.x
207.123.33.x
8.12.209.x
4.23.54.x

Kick ass?

Later.

Finally. Peace. :P

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