And then you tried to hold on to the sand, and it swiftly flew out of your fingers. When there was none left, you wished you never held on to it in the first place.
And then someday I understood, I could still be with the sand without actually trying to hold on to it. Maybe it wont be my sand then, but it would be my companion for some time in the journey through the desert, through life. A few cherished moments, when the wind shall carry the beloved sand along side me. Until we finally part ways happily. Maybe we’ll think of the way we came through together.
Hmm.
At least. We talked. We laughed. And we were together. No strings attached. No obligation.
And guess what, when the world comes to an end, they maybe lucky, who are together with someone special. But they are luckier, who have someone they can say goodbye to.
:)
Later.
And someday, the skies will open up to shower the bounty of the Gods. Rain, riches, love, life, laughter, blood, light, truth, knowledge, power, fear, disease. And the earth will be flooded with the nastiness of the heavens. And the unintelligent dwellers of the netherworld shall rejoice at having been bestowed upon with the blessings of the heavens. Not knowing whether it is the love of hell or the heaven’s fury that they are enduring. I shall stand upon the small hill, looking around at the wet world around, trying to shield myself with the weak umbrella of lies I have sewn for myself.
Layers upon layers of lies to cover up the truths, I lie in hope that it will be enough.
And a poor peasant comes up to me, speaks ill of me for not having accepted the blessings of the Gods, I glare at him with the eyes of the death lord. The peasant hurries off to join the scramble for collecting the false riches that fall from the sky. I just look on rooted to my spot. My thin umbrella seemed to be at its limit now. Begins to give way to some drops. I panic, I spew some more lies. I try to repair my umbrella I try to protect myself.
All the while wondering, for how much longer can I hold on?
I listen. Someone is singing. An angelic voice in this world of confusion. I try to look far in search of the gleam of purity. I find not far from me, at the foothills of the hill I stood upon, another umbrella open. An umbrella of pure whiteness unlike mine. Blazing with the truths of life. And of her song. I hope to catch a glimpse of the surreal divinity. I struggle downhill, careful not to let go of my umbrella. Once there, I walk around the white umbrella of truth admiring the beauty of the craftsmanship. I look at own. Black, roughly held together with millions of my lies.
And finally I look at her face. Only there was none.
The angelic voice admonished, having never seen the face of truth before, you, the bearer of the umbrella of untruths, shall never see my face. The thunder ripped across the skies above us and the bounty of the Gods kept showering upon the earth, and I could no longer repair my umbrella with my lies.
Later.
Insanity. Lapse of reason. Psychotic behaviour. In dire need of therapy. Tendency to go overboard with things.
Now,
when you see these tendencies in someone the first
thing that should come to your mind, is to let the person be alone. Followed by some other things. Brand the person a social threat. Show some pity maybe. Spread rumours. Bitch about. Never mind.
Yes, I know. Some things that happen in this world don’t make sense. Most of the things that are said in this world are lies. And almost all of the feelings in this world are unreasonable.
Yet, things keep on happening. People keep saying stuff. And no one ever stops feeling. I don’t know about how open are you folks about owning up. I however don’t have any restrictions in calling myself a hypocrite.
Hypocrite, the.
Later
PS:
Dreams from a daffodil bed,
Sweet smell of the wet earth,
Scorching beauty of a beastly deity,
Blue blood of royalty,
Care of holy Mother,
Fear of salvation, of its pain.
Gather them and maybe then you can heal me. On second thought, forget it.
When my eyes opened I was already
on the highway. It was cloudy, almost about to rain. I was riding the bike, it seemed. Yes, I was
riding my bike. Going somewhere, still unaware of where to. But I kept riding.
Soon enough I reached at the destination. Didn’t seem like much of a place. It
did look oddly familiar though. Those who
have lived in the city might have recognized the place as being similar to the
parking space in front of Satyanagar market, only cleaner and modern looking.
Any ways, I parked the bike there
and started to take off my helmet and sunglasses. However someone seemed to
arrive from behind. I did not have a very good feeling about it. I did not take off my helmet just then. I moved ahead away from the parking. I
checked out the person in the rear view mirror of a car. The person seemed very
familiar. She removed her helmet as I looked back just for a second to confirm
if it was whom I thought it was to be. I gasped and looked ahead again. I
quickened my pace and soon enough I entered the building, there I removed my
helmet and my two pairs of sunglasses.
Well, I realized then that it was a dream..
No one wears two pairs of sunglasses on a cloudy day..
Some time later, I don’t know how much time
exactly I came out of the building and walked to my bike. This time feeling
much more confident since I had discovered it was a dream. She was still
standing near her vehicle. But now she was not alone. A number of friends
surrounded her. About 4 or 5. She was busy talking to them, I decided to make a
swift exit. But just as I approached from behind a car, she raised a hand and waved.
I stopped dead in my tracks. I raised a weak hand and reciprocated with a
feeble wave of the hand. I was never good with my His and Byes. Someone always said that to me. Couldn’t
really remember who.
Suddenly there was an odd sensation. The next moment a person coming from behind walk right though me towards the merry group waving to her. I was slightly taken aback, never the less was relieved to know I wasn't really there for her. Looking at her in the noisy group now, talking and laughing, I was happy. For some reason I felt inwardly content. As I reached my bike, instead of leaving, I lay down on it flat out and looked at the sky. It was cloudy, the backdrop was that of a grand cathedral, I had seen somewhere else. A few drops of rain fell on my face. But the sky was still clear. The laughter and talking grew in the background.
However, I couldn’t help the feeling. The cathedral was just an image, so was the sky. The sky and the cathedral began to fall in pieces revealing dark nothingness beyond. The rain had become stronger. The laughter died out. The world around me faded from view. In a flash, the realization dawned upon me.
Everything was fake.
Later.
.
In the crowd, there was a small boy. He seemed lost. But he wasn't crying. Maybe he wasn't lost. Not yet. But his eyes were searching for something. Maybe he had lost something instead.No one seemed to notice the boy. He moved out of the midst. He stumbled on the leg of an empty bench. He stood up again, and with some difficulty managed to climb on top. He sat there for some time, looking at the people passing him by. Maybe searching for a familiar face, or a voice.
Several minutes passed. The boy was still on the bench, looking at people. Maybe he was looking for some kindness. Some sort of recognition, but people, as usual were too busy. Everyone just, moved on. Suddenly the boy jumped off the bench and moved towards a noisy cake shop. Perhaps he was hungry. He ran towards the shop now. Just then he turned his head backwards for a second. The next moment he was gone. Disappeared into an empty manhole.
Maybe someone familiar had called out to him. But we will never find that out I guess.
Later.
The sun was up. It must be a beautiful day outside. He wondered, maybe too aloud. A couple of onlookers were looking towards him. He quickly buried himself into the days newspaper he was holding. ‘ Tomorrow I will be on the front page’ so said to himself. This evoked a few more sniggers from the onlookers. Blushing a dirty shade of purple he crushed the paper and left the place.
Walking at a steady pace he arrived at the ticket counter of the subway station. There was a queue in progress. He joined behind an old woman carrying her weekly supplies. He saw the queue shortening. ‘Ah, my time is approaching’, so he thought. He bought the ticket to the nearest station. ‘Nothing is free these days, not even death’ he cursed.
He took the escalator to the bottom holding the ticket in his left hand and the newspaper in his right. An air of freedom surrounded him. There was still some time before the train and his freedom arrived. He sat down on one of the waiting chairs. Beside him was another happy looking person. He decided to make some conversation. ‘This might be my last chat’, so he thought and once again chuckled inside.
‘Hello sir’, said he, ‘going far?’
The other person answered, ‘Yes, yes of course. Far. Am off to see my family’
To this he replied, ‘Ah, good. Good journey then.’
The other person replied, ‘Hmm, yeah. Can I borrow your newspaper, if you are done with it.’
‘Of course.’
The train was almost at the station, he stood up. It was time. Time to leave this godforsaken world for a better place. He sighed deeply and moved towards the edge of the platform, stopping just half a feet short off the edge. He looked back at his companion, who was still deeply engrossed in the newspaper. He was faced with a moment of indecision now, through gritted teeth he cursed his fears. Finally as he prepared to take the final plunge, and lifted a foot, the train swished past. He was late. Damn. He turned tail and returned to his chair again. By this time his companion was done with the newspaper.
‘You didn’t leave on this one?’
‘No, well..err. I will take the next one I guess.’
‘So will I’ said his companion, the benign smile never leaving his face.
Four minutes passed. The next train was due. As he heard it entering the station from the east, he stood up again. His companion smiled at him once more. He was getting sick of this carefree smile.
‘Oh well, a few seconds more, and it will all be over.’
He moved to the edge once more. This time his determination firm. Suddenly, he felt someone tap his back, he turned to see his companion.
He handed him the newspaper back, ‘Thanks’ he said smiling, and in a smooth motion jumped over the edge.
And the train swiftly went past him. He was late. Again.
Later.
.
There was this song I was
listening to, Everything’s not lost. By Coldplay. One of my most listened to
bands. [Yea, yes am a wimpy alternative guy, you got a problem with that?] .
And I was thinking of things it was about. It speaks of demons inside and of demons outside. Some good ones and the rest inside of you. Heh. It speaks of a very elusive trick to handle situations when you feel all is lost around you or that you have been neglected by people you cared for. Well , all you need to do is just count the demons inside you and still hope and know that not everything is lost. Well, you still have your demons in you.
Hmm. You need to convince yourself that the demons who caused the situation around you still reside within you. Its not the people’s fault. They are innocent and simple, you have to rectify yourself. Improve maybe. You can either get rid of your demons and make friends again or just stay with your demons until you cease to breathe. Either way, not everything is lost and neither will you ever be alone. [And mind you, do not assume being alone and feeling lonely are the same things].
Even after writing all this shYt,
I feel I should put down the idea in a more understandable form for the benefit
of the “non-alternative people”. No offence . What I meant to portray in the
above paragraph is that, when you feel everything is lost and that people have
started to hate you or neglect you for no viable reason you can think of, then
know that it is your fault. The faulty attitude or actions of yours is what
caused your current situation. So quit whining and start recovering. Set
yourself right. Get rid of your evils. Don’t blame others. Either that or just make
friends with your evils. Love thyself.
xD
Whatever the case, the thing what got me was that I had been using this trick myself for quite some time now. Well, I wont tell you how good or bad the results are, but what I will tell you is that I love my evils.
Later.
.
