Alright then. Enough fooling around. Its almost time that I returned to myself. Past time rather. Whatever the case, what is important right now is that I have almost recovered. Yes, there were a few setbacks, ups and downs but of course you needn’t know the details.
Although I yearned for a rather uneventful summer, things did not quite turn out to be as I had expected them to. As I enter the last leg of my holidays, I see that a flurry of activities have ensued. As usual I try to have no regrets whatsoever, speaking in that regard you could say I had a few learning experiences* this way. Hmm.
Know something? I strive for total control. On my mind, and it’s impulses. But then again, when I look back at things that have happened, it seems to me like an impossible task. I keep failing, falling flat on my face every single time. Yet, I try. The thing is when you try too hard to control yourself, the mind starts working even without your consciousness. Which is when things turn dicey and you are unable to reason your actions or though processes. Yada yada. Never mind. It’s just about me you know.
Later
For what and why have I been fighting for? That's right...back then I..
From the day I met her, I had already made up my mind.
I wish I hadnt known about it. But I had already realized it. I couldnt ignore it.
I want to stay like this. My wish is that I wont have to lose her.
I...love her."
SOURCE:Fate stay Night.
Later.
.
A loner's idea of an almost perfect summer.
Lazy mornings with clear skies. Bright sun and its smooth rays. Warmth.
A work free mid-morning to decide what to do. Then to remain undecided. And sigh.
Look at beautiful people on the road, a gold and orange glow on their skin. The sun colours them pretty with its abundant love.
Play with the shadows on the porch. Watch them grow with the day, age and die in the evening.
And then you smile as you know they will be back the next day to play and make merry.
Fall in love with the girl next door, if only for the summer. Spend some time thinking about her.
Look at the fluffy clouds overhead and yearn for them to darken as you sip from your tumbler of cold juice. Wish for an untimely downpour. Run out to greet it when your wish is granted.
Catch a summer cold. Have some warm coffee. Become delirious on purpose. Meet your subconscious. Say Hi
Start worrying about the days you think you waste. And then stop immediately. Go to bed. Hum a merry tune, fall into a deep sleep. Have a midsummer night's dream. And smile while you sleep.
Later.
Dont deny that you get sad. Everyone gets sad at least sometimes, for some reason or for someone..
But thats not the point here. The point is, even though you have such a beautiful face, grace and style, yet you manage to spoil it all. Because you never smile. Or at least, I never see you smiling.
Dont tell me, you dont know how to. Dont tell me, you dont know why to. Maybe you are not happy, not happy enough to smile.
Ever wondered how you could become happy? No, not just for the smile, its for everything you do. That is if you are kindof a person who needs to be happy to do things properly. [Dont ask about me. I am not that kind. I am weird]
Even so, I'll let you in on a tiny secret. I dont go looking for happiness or try staying happy because I know I can be happy anytime I want to. Yes. How? Its quite simple if you look at it. Just do things that make you happy. Hmm now now, dont tell me I fooled you. Thats the only way you can become happy on your own. But there certainly is a catch. [ These days, everything has a catch, so why blame me : P]
The catch is you need to find out doing what things* make you happy. Might seem easy, but then again there is a fine line between things that make you really happy and those things that tell you doing that you "should" feel happy. A pseudo happiness of sorts. But you wouldnt know how to differentiate. Not initially at least. So experiment with things, do things and try figuring out what turns your meter up. Best of luck in your "happy"ness hunting expeditions.
A tip : You should feel a bubbling effervescence in you when you are really happy. [Figure it out on your own ; )]
If you can just master this technique you will never need anything or anyone else to be happy. And maybe then, I will get that smile.
Smile damnit. Heh
Later.
The world unwinds inside of me
You complete my fate
The halo crawls away
Rewinding all we can
You refill my place
You refill my place
Come and save me
You complete my fate
The heavens stroll inside of me
You repeat my fate
Revealing who we are
You refill my place
You refill my place
Come and save me
Believe in me
Drink the wine
Take my hand
Fill me up
Believe in me
Drink the wine
Take my hand
Let me follow
Later.
To take the path less taken, is what I love to do. The slight tinge of uncertainty thrills me. Yes, that is what leads me to experiment with things. Things*.
Some people experiment with chemicals, others with particles. I experiment with thoughts, with ideas and temperaments. My favourite test subject being myself.
Sometimes, it gets somewhat out of hand, but that's a risk I have to undertake. You see, the outcomes of my experiments, will decide if I end up a loser or not.
After all, since there is no chance of winning, the least can do is to salvage whatever I can from things I have already lost.
Sometimes, it is rewarding to be on the far edge of things, all alone. Most of the times, it is not.
:)
Later.
