Posts
friggin' again.
I love myself. :D The celebrated dumb focked as*h*le.
One of the things I have ever done properly is gone and shoved that thing called life up my. And I continue to do so.
The other things I can properly do are writing emails and fold a sheet of paper in 1/8th its size.
To live. To dream. To believe. To smile. To smirk. To halt. To drop. To long. To work. To want. To need. To scream. To breathe. To seek. To think. To hate. To cut. To keep. To remember. To care. To lose. isyou.
.
The last thing I remembered was the crimson gold sky background of the window. As I lay supine on the bed and my eyelids grow heavier. Heavier then my will to stay awake. Heavier than Iron maiden in my ears. Heavier than everything else in this world. And the sky faded faster than the twilight.
I don’t like to dream. Dreams always turn to nightmares. I don’t like nightmares. Why are they always chasing me. I didn’t do it. Just leave me alone. I am just too tired.
My eyelids have lost their weight now. I open my eyes to a night sky. There are no stars. The window grill still the same. Unchanging. Guarding the sky. Or maybe just trying to hold my thoughts within.
The room is dark. I try to see as far as I can. Cannot see far. There isn’t any light anywhere. Just an inky darkness painting the house. I don’t care about blinking anymore. The world remains unchanged. I shut my eyes for good.
There isn’t a sound. Everything is so dead. So still. Where did everyone go. Did they finally leave me alone.
The ceiling fan continues it’s monotonous whirring which makes it so hard to be heard. It’s undeniable existence is least appreciated. Sometimes I wish I was a ceiling fan. I turn over and lie face first on the pillow. Its damp. Mostly with perspiration. Reminds me of my nightmare. Of all my nightmares.
And I feel cold. And I feel lonely. For a moment. For several moments afterwards, I lay there unmoving, wishing I had someone warm to hold. To hold and never let go.
Giving up on my wishes again, I try to leave the bed. My limbs rebel. They seem to have lost faith in me as their master. In pieces has a new meaning for me. And I smile. For once I am happy that I am alone.
.
Later.
.
He was very intelligent and skilled in whatever he attempted to do. He was very energetic and did everything he was asked to do in a jiffy. However he had a curse upon him since he was born.
The night the boy looks at the full moon, he shall wither to mere dust.. So said the curse
For years, the boy played and worked in the valley without any mishaps of the sort. For every full moon night the valley dwellers put him to sleep long before the moon peeped.So it happened one day that a beautiful girl came to town looking for a place to start her life anew. Before long, the boy fell in love with her. But she was always so sad. He was greatly dismayed by her sadness. All his efforts to cheer her up worked only for a few moments before she relapsed to her old self again.
Tired by all this, he asked her what in this wide wide world could make her happy. She at once said that she would like to see the moon, the full moon. With him.
Aware of his curse, he was startled by this surprising request by her. However, he could not deny such a simple askance.
The night of the next full moon, he slipped out of the house stealthily. To watch the moon with-her. She joined him too. Unaware of the fact that she was to watch him wither with the moon. Beside the great lake as they sat down, he smiled at her. He asked for her hand. He kissed her knuckles twice.
Up he looked into the clear sky, at the glowing moon and said, "At least, I wither knowing that...
And his lips withered away before another word.
No, not everyone can hate like iHate. You should have a short circuited brain. You should have loved someone like there is no tomorrow. You should have trusted someone more than your own self. And you should have been betrayed.
iHate is not a mundane act of hating or being the world hater. Its special. Its rare. Its unique. Its a drug.
Yes, iHate. And Ihate.
Later.
.
I want to cheat at poker.
I want to sleep.
I want to dream.
I want to scream.
I want to live it up.
I want to slip.
I want to fall.
I want to get a scar.
I want a life. Another life.
I want to remember you.
I want to love.
I want to spit at the moon.
I want to die young.
I want to win. Once.
I want to swim.
I want to look up.
I want to count stars whole night long.
I want to sing hoarse.
I want to ride at 150 kmph
I want to play a guitar.
I want to get tattooed.
I want to breathe.
I want to be rich.
I want to lose my fears.
I want to be underweight.
I want to be drunk.
I want to be a scandalous rockstar.
I want to be a reason.
I want to be powerful.
I want to stay awake every night.
I want to talk.
I want to be stronger.
I want to regret.
I want to run on water.
I want to leap out of the window.
I want to burn some roses.
I want to be happy.
I want to be alone. Sometimes with me. Sometimes with you.
I want to be independent.
I want to get lost in a big city.
I want to get addicted to you.
I want to snipe.
I want to be born on the 1st of January.
I want to go home.
I want to own google.com
I want to say sorry.
I want to travel in the freight of an aircraft.
I want to drive a locomotive.
I want to crash a Skoda.
I want to go to Hokkaido.
I want to be digitized.
I want to be ME.
I want to kick you.
I want to cook food. Good food.
I want to be sick every month.
I want to be taller.
I want to be forgotten.
I want to forget, that I ever wanted something.
.
Is denying the truth same as lying? Do the honest always
tell the truth? Is it wrong to miss people you hate? Is it a mistake to believe
you can make mistakes? Does it require a heart to love? Is living the surest
path to achieve death? Do you think the loving caring warm sun would not burn you
down to ashes if you got too close to it? Does fear give men wings? Is food required to live? Don’t you think the will to live is all you need to
stay alive? Is it wrong to be wrong all the time? Is it right to be right in
all cases? Is it true that you are cold hearted murderous stupid little
nincompoop ? Questions. Questions.
Questions. Later.
O angel, pardon me. For I will remember you in the
comfortable rains when I get wet. I will think of you in the partings before
the early morning light comes. I will remember you when you are almost there,
when you almost smile. Your secret smile.
O angel, pardon me. For I shall wait for the day when you take my hand and take flight. I shall wait for the day you begin to breathe. Until then just live.
Later.
Ps: Musings of a nut.
..click..blip..
And the music starts to play.
And I breathe it in. The music. The serenity, the spontaneity of it all. Its delicious. Tastes heavenly.
And I experienced. The feel when I touched a cherished moment. Its smooth like satin. Soft like cashmere. But it flows past. I hold it for a few seconds and then let it go by.
And I try to learn how to use my senses properly. Or maybe I already learnt how to use in more than the ways they can be used. Maybe I am confused or perhaps I am just crystal.
But I wont think about it. I have a promise to keep somewhere. And have to start learning, learning to learn that is..elsewhere
Later.
I never...I never.
A smiling assasion. A selfish b*st*rd. A liar. Terribly honest, all the same. Hurtful, smirking fool.
A spirit free and passionate, floating in the universe. Disoriented semi-genius. Breathes sense into bullshYt. And bullshYt into general opinion.
Scavenger. Unloved. Battered. Unbroken. Charmed. Religiously agnostic.
Champion of sarcasm. Knight of wit.
Later.
If this didnt help you know about me, you can very much get lost.
